How to help your reactive dog

Step 1. Be compassionate with yourself.

Please stop blaming yourself. Maybe you could have done things differently and better, but you didn’t and you’re here now. It’s time to practice the concept of radical acceptance and stop wasting energy feeling guilty.

Your dog is who she is and there is every chance that no matter how well you socialized her, or how many obedience classes you attended, she would still hate being near other dogs. You did the best that you could with knowledge and resources that you had at that time.

No one has a crystal ball and torturing yourself with blame and “what ifs” is a dangerous path for your mental health. Stop the negative self-talk. It’s unproductive and damages your relationship with yourself and your dog. You’re bullying your dog’s only protector and it’s hurting you both.

Countless trainers, authors, and other dog industry professionals would gleefully tell you that your dog’s behavior is the very embodiment of your shortcomings as a dog guardian. They would happily suggest an obedience course, or perhaps 5-week board and train, for a cool $5k.

Because “It’s all how you raise ‘em!”… right?

That phrase has inflicted cruel and deep harm on millions of dogs and their people throughout the years. Because no, it is not all how you raise them and it is arrogant madness to actually believe that your attempts at “training” are going to undo hundreds of years of selective trait breeding.

Genetics have a huge impact on a dog’s behavior and those genetic traits have been carefully observed, noted, and selectively bred for to meet the dog’s breed standards.   When your German Shepherd mix is launching his full body weight against the door and barking like a lunatic because the Amazon guy rang the doorbell, don’t be mad at him. The persons responsible for that obnoxious behavior have been dead for millennial.

In fact, those persons would be delighted to see the German Shepherd display the very intentionally bred behavior trait of “guarding his territory”, as it is written into their breed standard. Back in the day when your German Shepherd was defending the homestead against vagrants and coyotes, “guarding his territory” was a huge plus, but now in the modern setting it’s problematic and potentially dangerous.

You are not personally responsible for the problematic breed traits that your dog is presenting. Stop carrying a burden that is not yours to carry. Put down your backpack of guilt and figure out how to improve aspects that are within your control.

Step 2. Learn about your dog.

If you have a pure-bred dog, get as much information as you can about the breed’s history and intended role within the human + dog relationship.

If you have a rescue mutt, get a DNA test (consider it a medical expense), figure out what breeds makeup their genetics and then learn as much as possible about those breeds.

DNA breed identification tests costs between $85-$120 and yield results within a few weeks. The breed id and health kit from Prosper K9 costs $85 is the best value currently available.

Once you have identified your dog's breed makeup, it's time to do some research.

Kim Brophey has written a fantastic overview of the common behavior traits presented by the ten genetically distinct groups of dog breeds in her book, Meet Your Dog. 

This book walks you through the groups’ individual histories so you can better understand and predict your dog’s behavior. It’s a quick read and an even quicker listen if you want to go the audiobook route.

This book also introduces Kim Brophey’s groundbreaking method for understanding your dog’s multifaceted behavior known as the L.E.G.S.® model. L stands for learning

E : environment, G : Genetics and S, self (the dog as an individual).

The LEGS® model offers a potent explanation for all the “unicorn” dogs in the world, who behave in ways that are atypical of their breed; the pitbull who adores all other dogs, and the couch potato Brittney Spaniel who could give a shit about the birds outside.

These “unicorn” dogs are alive and well and because of their unproblematic behavior, we see them out in society often. This can create a fundamental misunderstanding that these unicorn dogs are accurate representation for that breed/breed mix when in fact, they are the exception. These dogs are also a beautiful illustration of how a dogs’ genetics are not the full picture of who a dog is, rather a part of a greater whole.

When you start learning about your dog’s genetic history and can better understand the “why” aspect of your dog’s reactivity issue, you will be much more successful in figuring out how to meet their needs. To successful work on reactivity issues, your dog needs to have their basic mental and physical needs met.

You may not be able to take your bloodhound mix to the woods and turn them loose to track til their hearts content, but you can drive the extra 10 minutes to an empty field and let them snuffle on a long line for an hour.

Step 3. Adjust your expectations.

Your dog has no idea that you wanted them to be your farmer’s market buddy or attend happy hour at a dog- friendly brewery once a week with your friends and their “normal” dogs. Your dog also didn’t know that you have a skewed modern understanding of “normal” dog behavior.

Remember Step 1 and be compassionate with yourself- you didn’t know then, but now you are taking steps to learn and educate yourself about your dog’s individual needs and limits. Understanding your dog’s genetic background is crucial to understanding whether what you are asking of your dog is reasonable or not.

It is not reasonable to ask a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel to stay in their own space and not try to crawl into your bed and lap any chance they get. They are lap dogs, bred for hundreds of years to be close cuddly companions to their people. Withholding physical affection and close body contact from a CKCS is like denying a goldfish their water bowl.

When you suppress a dog’s natural behavioral needs, they will attempt to meet that need on their own through different means, typically in an even more problematic fashion. If a CKCS is denied the close affection with their human, they may develop separation anxiety and begin destroying the home while you’re away.

Take a step back from what you think your dog should be able to do and observe what they are actually comfortable doing. Maybe your dog can’t go to a busy farmer’s market, but they can go to a park and snuffle around the baseball field.

This doesn't mean that you can't work towards expanding her world with careful counterconditioning and a solid behavior modification plan. However, until you make some progress, stop taking her to activities she can't handle.

Set your dog up for success and only ask of them to do activities they are comfortable doing. You don’t ask as toddler to get out of their comfort zone and make their own dinner. She’s not being “bad” she’s just uncomfortable and distressed by this situation. As her ONLY advocate in this strange human world, you should be the first one to leap to her defense and get her the heck out of there!

 Step 4. Search for strengths & find the fun.

Just like people, dogs have their own strengths and weaknesses. They also enjoy wildly different hobbies, just like us. Find something you AND your dog enjoy and use it as a way to bond. It can be very challenging to bond with an animal that is causing you constant stress and anxiety.

Feelings of anger and resentment crop up, no matter how much you deny or push them away. Stress is exhausting and owning a dog that simply cannot meet our “normal” dog expectations is emotionally and mentally draining. However, you have committed to loving this dog and want to do right by her.

The best way to reconnect with your dog is to have fun with them. Yes, fun. A completely absent concept in most dog behavior content. Find an activity that your dog is good at and you also enjoy. If your dog is too dog shy to go to the dog park and tumble with other pups, stop taking her there immediately. She is not going to magically wake up one day and enjoy the forced company of random, rude dogs. Just like you aren’t going to randomly wake up one day and enjoy doing calculous.

Instead, move the coffee table, grab a big stuffie and commence a rousing game of tug with your dog after dinner. Get into it, give her a run for her money and then exuberantly declare her the victorious winner of this tug battle. She won! Because she’s so good at tug and here you are to celebrate her win and encourage her strengths. She needed that win, and so did you.

Continue to search for mutually enjoyable activities and watch your stress melt into a deep appreciation for how brilliant, adorable, and clever your dog really is. Love and celebrate her for who she is instead of resenting her for who she is not.